So, I was let go, fired, terminated, “given the sack” however you want to put it- I am out of a job.
I didn’t qualify for nationals as I was hoping to do. To put the cherry on top, I was broken up with
via text all in within 10 days. I was in denial for the first few days and honestly it all felt like a bad
dream just one thing after the other- I didn’t know what to do. I did know what I needed to do, as
in the immediate actions- update resume, put out job applications, but for my emotional well-
being, I didn’t have the first clue.
In the words of Pastor TD Jakes, “If someone can walk away from you, let them walk”. Lately
these words have been really resonating with me, it’s almost a year to the date that I left my ex-
husband and left Miami. I feel like this is no accident that now, right now, just when it feels like
everything's coming together- the universe/God/ Allah/ Shangó/ Morgan Freeman is giving me
another opportunity to GROW. What I’ve learned is this, growth is very very uncomfortable.
Sure it would have been great to continue with my safe job, with a secure company. I would
have been thrilled to have qualified for Nationals, I’ve been grinding my face off for the last two
years to make this happen- it just wasn’t my time yet. That relationship, I’ve learned wasn’t for
me. If it was for me- that person would have seen that I’m in a spot where I am mentally,
physically and spiritually struggling and said “you know what Alex, I got you, let’s get through
this”. Instead of saying you know what, this relationship isn’t for me- sorry have a great life. After
a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that what I wanted the most from that relationship was
love. I wanted so bad to feel that someone else loved me, wanted to see me, I wanted to feel
like that person needed to have me in their life. I guess this is why it’s so painful for me to know
that this person was so easily able to cut me out of their life. Going forward, as many of us
know, I need to give that love that I seek to myself. Sure, I have a lot to be proud of and I have a
lot to say “yeah I did that” but at the end of the day- I need to be comfortable with being alone.
Being alone has been a lifelong struggle for me. I’ve always wanted (really really wanted) a
“man” in my life. I’ve wanted someone around to hug me when I’m crying, tell me “don’t worry
about it mi niña, I got you”. I need to remind myself, I got me, I can hold myself and know I will
(as I always have) be the one to have my own back.
I am the last person to say “I have it all figured out” but I can say, I am starting to learn. When I
was younger, I remember thinking “I know exactly what I want and exactly how I am going to get
it”. Turns out, I didn’t know my head from my ass (if we’re being honest). At that point in time my
priorities were as follows- hangout with my best friend on my visits to South Florida (hair
braiding and movie nights included), hangout and get as many drinks in South Beach as I could
(without getting carded), and be with my ex for the rest of my life. Only one of those came true- I
did get plenty of drinks on South Beach (steer clear of cheap Vodka, there’s a reason why it’s so
damn cheap). Point being, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t think a point will ever come
that I will 100% feel like “I have it all figured out” but I can say, I 100% know what I will and will
I will make time for my team and those who love me. I will not go out of my way for someone
who will not do the same for me. I will laugh, I mean ugly laugh complete with a double chin and
peeing myself a little bit. I will not, “come over” in a moment of weakness no matter how lonely/
sad/ depressed I am. I will learn to love myself unconditionally